The Phantom Rockers

The Rockers have been around for about Ten years or so, formed by Mark Burke after he quit the Krew Men; he left England and went back to Aachen. Germany where he immediately set about forming a new Psychobilly outfit, he scoured all the strip bars, brothels and general lowlife hangouts and finally picked up a few louts out of the gutter. 1st up was army brat Michael Carroll on guitar then Marcus Losen on the Drums and last but not least Olaf Schubert who played rhythm. They slapped a set together quickly before the beer ran out and set about gigging for beer and loose wimin! Up pops Tombstone records and head pimp Klaas offers the lads a deal. A week in and out of the studio resulted in the pub next door running out of beer and the local girl's feeling sore and bowlegged, and an Album was called "Kissed by a Werewolf" this LP went into the indie charts and stayed for quite a while it became one of Rough Trades best selling LP's of 89. After this effort Olaf could not resist the call of the gutter he returned never to be seen again! The Rockers carried on as a three piece they recorded four more records ``Demon Lover" ``Search & Destroy" ``Shag Squirt" & ``Vampire Love" The guys Toured the USA extensively in 94/95 it was during this period things started to get a little tense and after a serious car wreck which killed the Driver and left Marcus with his leg broken in several places, the band finished the tour with various drummers, this was the last tour for Marcus, Mark and Michael recruited a Yank of dubious reputation he was called Crash he finished out the tour and was promptly fired at the end for stealing money from the band to support his Habit??? The 95 tour also saw Mark and Michael part ways due to the strain of being on the road almost a year, Michael went back to Europe and Mark stayed on in the states where he made a temporary home in Wilmington NC where he set about corrupting the reputation of the local female population, after a few months he made his way back Germany and found two Aachen perverts Guido who reputedly banged everything in sight (but mostly it was his drums, hahaha) and Harti who pulled anything within a 100 meters (he could only pull his own Dick! really), well this likely trio went into the studio on the request of Klaas (he needed a new wig, so the Rockers had to pay for it) this resulted in more Beer and wimin being abused the end result was the "Av. some of this" CD. It sold really well and Klaas got his new Wig! And the band got enough royalties to buy them a pack of Cigs and a pint of Lager each. 96 saw the Rockers once again hit the USA, the tour was booked by Mike Kelly, he also tour managed the lads. Mark says this was the worst mistake they could have made, it turns out Kelly was ripping them off all through the tour, they had a few rough moments but made it through in one piece, they went out again after this tour and continued to pound the American senses, they toured well into 97, finally Guido had a melt down and buggered off back to Germany Harti soon followed, the pressure had once again took its toll (or maybe Harti and Guido were sick of Burke shagging all the Girls! hahaha!) Mark once again stayed on in the USA, this time he donned his leather chaps and rode the slapper express into Dallas; he quickly made a home and got himself into all kinds of trouble. He decided to hang around for a while and hooked up with Matt McCoy (another limey enjoying the southern slapper express!) who was also drumming with punk outfit Billyclub, they found Blackie who was a southern rock king; this line up started to gig on a regular basis. Billyclub and the Phantoms toured together in 99; the Rockers started the tour by playing the Beer guts, burnout Festival in SF, and the next night both bands started a tour that they will not forget. We had a ball in San Hose, Mark was so drunk he was walking around with his pecker on parade cos he forgot to zip up after taking a leak. It got better he then walked into the club owners office and demanded to get paid the promoter told him he had already been paid but Burky wouldn't have it, I (Karl) walked into the fray and asked Mark to check his Pockets he promptly checked the front pockets and said he had already looked in them so no cash was found, so I said look in the back pockets he finally realised he had back pockets and pulled out the cash exclaiming who the fuck put this in me pockets, so after this more beer was drunk and the party carried on . On the way to LA the Van broke down and we stayed in Bakersfield we did the Reno gig that was not a gig so basically we hired a van and went to Reno for nothing, we drove back through the worst fog the Limeys had ever seen, there was a huge pile up on the freeway (I still can't believe people are so stupid that they drive 70 in dense fog, Fucking Morons!) we got the drive shaft fixed in Bakersfield and had further problems in LA which turned out to a bad 2nd fuel filter that was hidden under the van, this was another couple of hundred bills down the shitter, we finished the tour and fucked off back to Dallas all in all it was fucking good laugh. Well the line up shuffle happened again and Blackie ran to the hill country to hang out with Texan hillbillies and bark at the moon after a skin full of moonshine. Mark started to bug Billyclub's resident fat bastard to join the Phantoms so after a month of being pestered and the promise of free food and beer the Bald one started playing, the Band quickly wrote a few new tunes and hit the studio at the expense of Hello records the end result was the PSM EP, the lads then took off to Europe and did a little tour. 2000 saw a few changes both Mark and Matt were eligible bachelors once again and Karl was to be a dad for the 2nd time! The bands rehearsed very little and the general attitude began to degrade until Matt called it a day, enter Ronald the B'stard, Ron quickly asserted his ass on the Drum throne and brought new life to the Rockers, Harti flew in for a Grope with his Chick from the band Darlington, he rejoined the Rockers and started to rehearse for a little tour. Karl did not play on the tour due to his little boy arriving a few months earlier, so the Rockers hit the road. after the tour Harti went back to counseling Loony drunks in Aachen and wanking in the bog of the local strip clubs and Karl (Karlos Fandango) started working on the new record with Mark (Burkos Fandango) and Ronaldo the B'stard Fandango, Harti will rejoin when the hard work is done and he has had enough of loonies and the slappers in the strip bar. Now back to a three piece the lads started to gig around Texas, things were OK or so we thought! After a month or so Ronaldo the B'stard did a runner, apparently he had a problem with dealing with the Limy sense of humour and their attitude towards their craft (hmm! Whatever that means). So back to a no line up, we started the shitty task of looking for a drummer, the criteria was met by Scotty Teece the ``Phantom Bitch Magnet"(haha! Sheep shagger! me thinks) this lad had the psychobilly shit down, and can deal with the limey sense of humour (fucking amazing a yank that can deal with us) so we had a few Girls slap his ass until he hit the drums like a Limey on speed!(hmm, we still have to see that) This line up has been playing around Texas and Oklahoma for a few months and things look good, they have even started writing the next CD! Whoa! Rise up rose up fell over and then needed a face lift, the band finally got the new cd done by gospel rocker Monte the Vicar who had a hard time stopping Burke from trying to shag his mum and Egghead from Farting and using way to many profanities in Monte's house of the Lord, Monte erased the master and blamed Burke! we feel he was upset at how we behaved but hey we play the real deal! well Scottie shed a tear upon hearing his Shagging Guru was heading back to Krautersville and spent the next few months taking Dick growth pills and working on his English accent (his dick didn't grow and the accent still sucks). Mark buggered off back to Germany and Karl fell on his ass nd back to Bolton England, ouch! Harti and Marcus both called Mark and were promptly drafted back into the band, the lads played a few gigs but Mark knew something fat was missing so he talked the Eggheaded one into flying out to Krautington and play shows! so here we are the new(ish) CD has been remastered and the lads are playing shows in any town that has a red light district! what's next? check back in a couple of months